This is what happens when I get bored

Don't Kill The Birthday Girl

This is awesome.

Pride tauntings

Brace Yourself

This is my lovely new brace.





Decorated and in action!



With my 3 legged horse friend

Master at work

I felt like cooking the other night, but seeing that I live in someone's basement, and given how the house above is owned by a chef, who happened to be honing his craft, I had to resort to ulterior means.

I haven't cooked in so long, I felt I had to jump on it as soon as the idea struck me. Otherwise, knowing myself, if I had waited for the kitchen to be freed, the moment would long have passed.

Thus, I came up with this:



I just pretended I lived in NYC and cooked a delicious meal of verde chicken.



Verde Salsa Recipe:

1 yellow heirloom tomato
3 red vine-ripened tomatoes
2 medium sized avocados
3 jalepenos
1 yellow onion
1 clove garlic
half a lime
half cup of water
Salt if you prefer (I don't)

Chop the vegetables.
Combine the water and yellow tomato in the blender.
Then slowly add other ingredients in small increments, and blending each one in (I suggest starting with softer veggies so they blend better and don't grind the motor. Hence why I started with the big tomato).
Squeeze in the lime.
Add salt, if you wish, to taste.

I have a feeling I'll be doing some more cooking very soon...possibly even in a real kitchen.

I can't eat that: East Coast Edition

No ice cream cake. No Ninja Turtle pop with bubble gum eyes. No Philly cheesesteak and cheesefries. No Polish meatballs or lasagna. No pretzels, hot dogs, sno-cones, pizza, or funnel cakes from street vendors. No birthday cake...

Buuuut, I did make my own version of a hoagie from the veggie tray


and a chicken breast



Improvision at it's finest, Folks!

I also made Buddha Bowls with my friend Katie (This is her blog: Wellness Uncorked)


This is her recipe:
"One Pot Buddha Bowls
Ingredients:
1 cup quinoa, cous cous or brown rice
Veggies of your choice, chopped into bite size pieces (I like to use onions, broccoli, yellow or red peppers, tomatoes, and alfalfa or mung bean sprouts)
1/2 avocado, sliced into cubes
Salt and pepper to taste (or you can get fancy, and add a touch of salad dressing for a more interesting taste)

Directions:
1. Boil 2 cups of water. Add grain and reduce to warm. For quinoa, cook for 15 minutes. Cous cous only needs 5. Brown rice needs about 50 minutes.
2. When time is up (but not before), remove lid and fluff grain with fork.
2b. If you cooked a double serving of grains, remove half and let cool before packing up in Tupperware for a future meal.
3. Add chopped veggies to pot, stir, and re-cover. Let steam for 5 minutes.
4. Serve with avocado and salt and pepper or a balsamic dressing (for my favorite balsamic dressing, check out the recipe section of my website!)"

When I first met Katie a few years ago, she was a vegetarian and ate a lot of raw food. (I thought she was nuts) Now I'm reading her blog and going to her for information on healthy eating. Funny how things come full circle...

I ate pretty well on this trip considering last summer's food debacle when I went to Vegas with my Dad and ended up eating raw, dry oatmeal and ordering 500 dollar room service salads.

I won't be eating that

Headed to The East Coast for a week and will not be eating:

Soft pretzels


Wurder ice (That's Philly-talk for Water Ice, or Italian Ice)


or a Philly Cheesesteak


*Sigh*

More from Artichoke Fest

I wanted to eat all this so bad.

See Ma, food IS for playing with.

I was actually relieved.

Artichoke Fest

Today a couple friends and I took a road trip down to good ole Castroville for their annual Artichoke Fest. Artichokes were eaten, girl scout cookies were bought (definitely can't eat those), eating contests were watched, meat on a stick was ravaged, faces were painted, pictures were taken with a lifesize artichoke, and baby turtles were adopted. It was quite the day!

Last Year

One year ago, I sat deer-in-the-headlights before a firing squad and endured a barrage of bullets that would leave my life riddled with holes: "mold" "infection" "fatal" "rare" "intravenous" "immediately" "neutropenic" "prognosis" "options" "anyone we could call?" "transfusions" "leak gut" "death" .....

I sat in that conference room with a team of doctors, in a daze, their hot words hitting my frozen, emaciated body and melting into a puddle beneath my chair- that I later slipped on as they helped me down the hall to the treatment room for more ivs.

It would take another week before I uttered a word to anyone. Another two weeks before I could stop eating the forbidden foods. Another month before I started this blog. Six months before I accepted any of it. A whole year before I really let myself feel emotions about it.

I started this blog because some things I couldn't say, but I could type. Because answering the same question over and over and over and over again was tiresome, overwhelming, scary and time consuming- whereas offering a link seemed better.

It's been hard: really, really hard. I've tried to be comical and upbeat about it; and I've fostered a lot of denial; and I didn't talk about a lot of things, but doing this blog has helped me find my voice.

It's been one hell of a year but I'm so glad to be here and for all I've learned about food and cooking and life! Thanks for being a part of that journey.

Regarding the previous post...

Those questions were prompted by some conversations I've had lately regarding my final will, my living will, and some confusion surrounding my illness and prognosis.

They are purely hypothetical, but also something I think every person should consider. As one of my favorites so eloquently stated: I may have a serious illness that may or may not kill me tomorrow, or next year, or twenty years from now...and you may step off the curb this afternoon and get mowed down by a bus. No, that's not morbid, it's realistic.

That being said, would you disappointed by how you lived your life? By the things you'd done, or better yet, hadn't done?

There is no designated amount of time any of us is promised.

There are so many songs, books, movies, poems, etc. out there about living like you're dying, but my question is this: why not live like we're ALIVE?

What do you want to do? Why aren't you doing it? Get out there and F-ing do it!

Don't wait until you're dying to start living, because by then it might be too late.

Don't wait until you're too sick to get that tattoo you always wanted; or too tired to travel with that passport you waited forever to get; or until you're too weak to climb to the top of that mountain you vowed to conquer; too "whatever" to do the things you always meant to do; or too dead to do anything.

Be here now. Live the life you always wanted.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." -Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption




* For the record:
Aspergillosis is a very serious disease and many people inflicted do die within the first year, but those people also have other deadly illnesses (like cancer, pneumonia, and/or Aids, which I am blessed not to have).

I have already surpassed the one year mark and fully intend to make it to the second year mark, as well. Some people have managed to live with this for several years and I have many indications that I will be one such fortunate, too. Don't underestimate me!

I know I haven't been very good about keeping people informed for the past year, but I'm really trying to be better about it now. (It was scary and overwhelming and I didn't know what to say most of the time)

Please feel free to come to me with any questions you may have and I will do my best to answer them.

Now I CAN Eat That

Recent additions to the YES list:
Barley
Coconut
Grapes
Kumut
Roasted nuts
Lamb
Duck

The rest of the list can be found here.

How would you spend your final days?

I have some bad news, you only have six months to a year to live (sorry to break it to you this way, but we have to be quick, you don't have much time).

Ok now that you've had a moment to process your imminent death, I have an important question for you: what are you going to do with the time you have left?

Where do you want to spend that precious time? Is there anywhere you've never been and want to go? Somewhere you want to go again? Where do you call home?

What have you always wanted to do, but never got around to?

Are there any fears you want to face?

What would you eat?!

Who would you want to spend time with? Who would you not mind ever seeing again?

Is there anything you need to tell someone? Or the world?

Anyone you need to forgive? Or apologize to?

Any projects you need to finish? Or start?

The time is yours, to do with as you please. So, what are you going to do with it, knowing it's all you have?

I want to hear your answers!

Ferry Building Feast

Yesterday I went over to The San Francisco Ferry Building for their Thursday Farmer's Market. My cousin-in-law Ryan Farr (I've mentioned him here) owner of 4505 Meats has his stand there on Thursdays and Saturdays, so I like to stop by and say hi (and get free food, duh!) when I can. (4505 just won Best Burger in The SF Bay Area last month, btw.)

He was cooking cole slaw and lamb sausage, both with a bit of a kick, and topped with cilantro and aioli.



That slaw was seriously the best thing I've eaten in quite some time.

Then I headed into The Slanted Door for lunch with my faux boyfriend for lemongrass chicken with red onions, jalapeños, roasted chili paste, paired with star route farm baby spinach with caramelized shallots and massa organics' brown rice. Yum.



All in all, a happy day for my palate and ponch.

Job Perks

Meals such as this are made for me on the regular :)


Food can still bring me joy in moments like this

Bren-friendly BBQ

Last night I went to my friends' new place and they grilled a bunch of yummy veggies and diet-approved chicken. I ate about 5 lbs of asparagus and my pee has been radioative all week.



I was dreading bbq season, but maybe it won't be so bad after all.

Snack Attack

I am blessed to have some extremely awesome people in my life who keep an eye out for things I AM allowed to eat.

These two items were recently bestowed upon me by one of my favorite people:

Chocola Tree Cafe Nori Nachos





GoRaw Super Cookies



I'd never had nori before and tend to hate anything that comes from the sea, but the chips were surprisingly good. I went on their website and found a whole slew of other snacks I'm going to try, all of which are pretty reasonably priced.

The cookies were really great, but I'm not really supposed to have dates, so I'll have to hold off on buying more of those, seeing as how eating only a couple of them a day, over several days, was a true test of self-restraint. Their website also has a lot of fun looking treats.

Also, I've noticed that pre-packaged snacks regularly come in miniatures. Because I have nothing better to do and I think it's funny, I've been seeking out snack-sized foods like these baby bellpeppers:

Let the feast Chametz!

A good ole fashioned Traditional Jewish Passover Seder is something I can really get used to, being that it's all about food restrictions (Chametz).


...And an orange for inclusion.


Enough food for all 12 tribes.


The meat after 26 people ravaged it.

I was able to eat almost everything, including almond matzos and fruit salad for desert.

Whatever I Feel Like, Gah!

A few people have asked why I haven't been posting recipes. Well, I haven't made anything new in a long time. Partly because I'm lazy, partly because I live with a chef who cooks for me, and largely because I got tired of if.

I make the same things repeatedly and eat large quantities of raw veggies, so there's not much to report.

These are pretty standard meals for me:

Turkey, corn, & broccolini



Quinoa, broccolini, & chicken with red onions & garlic



Egg whites with avocado and tomato



Lettuce with hummus, tomato, black beans, & onions



Quinoa, carrots, zucchini, & bell pepper

Grind THIS

I'm a tooth grinder. It's a family trait. Thanks Ma & Pa! Last week I had the opportunity to go to the dentist for the first time in almost two years when I ground through my nightguard breaking off a tooth and cracking another.

Two trips to the dentist (so far. 3-5 more trips to go to finish it all), two root canals, three crowns, four fillings, two deep cleanings, one mouthguard, and $3,800 later and I'll be a whole new woman!

Luckily, I'm well versed in making pureed veggies for the babies I work with, so the fact that chewing is a privilege I'm not privy to for a few weeks, isn't too terrible.

Also, as soon as my mouth situation is resolved I'll start having a barrage of tests and full work-ups to see where all my health stuff is. Fingers crossed things go well!

Lifesavers

Nose drops to clear throat & ear drops to reduce fluid

Turns out I do have an ear infection and the drainage is causing inflammation in my throat. I'm going to refrain from bitching about it, though...

Don't wanna grow up

26 yrs old & still love getting these at the dr

Wild horses are born to run

How could I not write about my awesome new transpo?!

If you recall, a couple months ago I mused about getting a scooter. I was mostly joking, but partly really wanting one. I mentioned my wishes to my physical therapist and whatdaya know, she didn't shoot down the idea!

Turns out, it's good for my core, and actually offers stability via the handlebars. I've been riding it for 3 weeks and I have yet to eat it, which after 6 months with the cane is still a bi-weekly occurrence. Who am I kidding, I trip on that thing daily.

And I can go FAST!

So here she is:



She even comes complete with an attachment to adorn with my perfectly attired mini-me Barbie:



It's even useful for keeping up on outings with the kiddos.



Today I rode around the lake with my friend while she walked her dogs and it was wonderful and freeing. Like I could ever permanently slow down, I was born to run!

Weeeee!


*Also, I think I'm getting another ear infection because my ear feels like there's a hermit crab inside it and my throat feels like I've been gargling glass, so I'm sure I'll be bitching about that in my next post...

I don't want this

"I just want to go kayaking in the Florida Keys, get a black lab, grow tomatoes, have a life. I don't want all this craziness. I don't want this insanity. I'm really sick and tired of it... When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all." -Dry, Augusteen Burroughs

PT kicked my ass today. I was having such a good morning, too. The sun finally came out of hiding and I got to lay in the grass, under a giant redwood, with a baby on my side, gazing at the clouds, listening to birds professing how awesome life is...then, the clouds of reality crashed in and choked the life out of those disillusioned birds.

Apparently the steroids cause muscle weakness? This is a trade for improved nerve function, which will make it easier to build the muscles back up...blah, blah. I stopped listening at that point. I don't need yet another explanation of why this aspect of my life is hard and how it's for the benefit of some other arena. I'm frustrated. And in pain. And turning green.

This isn't my life. I didn't sign up for this. I don't want this.

I want to eat a real pie, backpack through Joshua Tree, swim under a Costa Rican waterfall, sleep under the African stars, ride bikes with the kids, and eat my weight in BBQ.

I'm going to do it, too. Even if it kills me. Dare to tell me I won't, I can't...I'll do it twice, just to show you.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry

Hi. I'm a week into a steroid treatment and I would like you to know that you suck, and your mother sucks, and your neighbor's dog sucks. If you look at me the wrong way, breath on me, or are generally anywhere near me I will go Hulk on you...or, I would like you to know that you are awesome, your children are awesome, and your sister's husband's hairdresser's son is awesome. If you look at me the wrong way, say the wrong thing, or don't attend to my every need I will cry like a heartbroken teenage girl.

My eyes are so dry I'm considering ditching the Visine for Vaseline; my indegestion and heartburn are so intense I've started breathing fire; I've gained ten pounds; my acne eruptions are rivaling Mt. Vesuvius; and I'm told I may grow a beard.

That being said, the goal of this is to counteract the autoimmune response that is exacerbating the nerve damage in my foot; and to repair some of the damage to my bronchials, improving my lung function. I'm willing to grow a beard for that.

The thing that got me really excited was being told that I am "healthy enough" to undergo these injections, as they had not even been an option until now because my body would not have been able to handle it.

All things considered, soul patch or Grizzly Adams?

I lived to see 26!

As a treat to myself for not dying during my 25th year I ate one of these Gluten Free Lemon Dreams Cookie Bites:



No refined sugars, no dairy, no trans fat, no GMOs, no cholesteral, no casein (no clue what that is, but there's a 97% chance I can't have it), no eggs, no wheat, no corn, no soy, no cane or beet products. Basically, no good stuff.

So, what does that leave?! Rice, ginger, cinnamon and lemon...and they weren't half bad tasting, either...AND didn't rocket themselves from any of my orfices! SUCCESS.

Nana's Cookies

*Side note* Looked up Casein: Who would've thought, but I'm not allowed to eat it that!

Enslaved by ensalada

I eat a lot of salad these days. That's an understatement. Have you ever eaten salad without dressing? Right, why would any mentally intact person choose to eat rabbit food without some sort of buffer. Enter me: I have no choice. Ugh.

So I've had to come up with some alternatives...

Quinoa with black beans, chives and corn atop chopped cabbage soaked in sea-salt water.



Shelled pumpkin seeds, soaked with rosemary and sprinkled with sea-salt on cabbage drizzled in olive oil and lime juice.



Assorted greens with avocado, pear and slivered almonds.




"Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” -Edward de Bono

Shameless Plug

This is my cousin-in-law Ryan Farr:



He owns 4505 Meats:



I can't eat anything they sell, but YOU can! He's at The Ferry Building Thursdays 10am-2pm and Saturdays 8am-2pm, or you can order online here.

He made me some really good chicken and veggies at his house, which I took a picture of and then accidentally deleted (of course).