Happy Birthday Addy G!

To my niece, Addy G! 

A year ago you rocked by world. No literally, the morning you were born, an earthquake originated under my neighborhood to announce your arrival. Not everyone can claim they arrived with a Birthquake, but you have that distinct honor. And you have lived up to that honor, our "Little Bull (In The China Shop)," as your Mommy likes to call you, or "Scrumple," as Geepaw calls you (because you leave a debris field in your wake). You are a force to be reckoned with.

You may have gotten your rhythm from your Daddy's side, but you got your coordination from your Mommy's. I'm eager to see how that paradox plays out for you. I see Break Dancing in your future- as in, I see you dancing and breaking things. Or limbs. Probably both.

You are ridiculous, and always on the go, and hilarious (I don't know where you got that...). You are stubborn, and opinionated, and too smart for your own good (I don't know where you got that, either). You hate going to sleep because you think you are going to miss something ( I may know a thing or two about that...), but, rest up while you can, little one, for many adventures await you!

You and I are going to cause a lot of trouble together, and butt heads, and see whose eyebrow can raise the highest. I'm going to teach you things, and spoil you, and put you in your place. 

I have many wishes for you, far too many to name, but here are a few.

I wish you enough frustration that you learn patience, but not so much of it that you give up.

I wish you enough disappointment that you learn learn hard work, but not so much that it breaks your spirit.

I wish you enough stumbles that you learn how to pick yourself up, but not so many that you crumple.

I wish you such joy that your heart is full, but no so much that you are unappreciative.

I wish you ample opportunities to achieve your dreams, but not so many that you become complacent.

I wish you laughter to balance out your tears, and faith to battle your fears, and peaches for every pit.

I wish you roses to stop and smell, and mountains to climb, and barriers to break through.

I wish you friends who you can count on, and partners you can trust, and faith in something bigger than yourself.

I wish you strength for the journey, comfort when your path diverts from course, and peace with wherever the road may lead.

I wish you compassion, love, and empathy, both for others and for yourself.

I wish you resourcefulness, street savvy, and book smarts- with them you can accomplish anything.

I wish you silver linings, and second chances, and gratitude- they will bring you hope and happiness.

I wish many things for you, Addy G, but most of all, I wish you as much glee and love as you bring to me.

Happy Birthday, Adelynn Grace. May you embrace life with the same eager hunger that you showed your first cake.

“Congratulations! 

Today is your day. 

You're off to Great Places! 

You're off and away!” 

- Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Every moment we have to live our life is a blessing

Last Friday there was a terrible tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, when a young man entered a midnight viewing of the new Batman movie and opened fire, killing 12 people and injuring 50 others.

Days like those force me to remember September 1999, when the Wedgwood shooting happened in my hometown, to people I knew. 7 people died that day. Their loss ripped through our community and still reverberates in our hearts. Every time there's another shooting I jettison back to that day. To the weeks and months and years after it. I think of my good friend standing next to her best friend, watching her die. I remember the fear and the confusion and the sorrow.

My heart goes out to Aurora, Colorado. I can imagine what they're going through. I've seen it firsthand.

Among the victims last week were a six year old, three young men who died protecting their girlfriends, and a young woman named Jessica. There are things about each victim that tug at me, but the one that really got inside me is Jessica. Jessica was an aspiring journalist from Texas, but that's not what made her stand out to me. After reading this article on Jessica and then reading her blog about how she narrowly escaped another shooting just a few weeks before she died, I couldn't get her out of my head. I've been thinking about her and what she wrote ever since.

This passage keeps replaying in my head: "I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given."

We aren't promised tomorrow. Hell, we're not even promised this afternoon. As my BFF likes to remind me, I could survive with my illness for another 50 years, and she could step off a curb and get hit by a bus today. Nothing is guaranteed. We aren't promised any definite amount of time. The only thing we have is right now, this moment.

And a single moment can define our entire lives, or even snuff it out. Your life can be going in one direction and then suddenly turn on a dime. I'm not sure that I can believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't think that bad things happen to teach us a lesson, either. I do believe, however, that reason can come from every happening, and I do believe that when bad things happen, there are things we can take from the experience. When tragedy knocks us off our feet, we have a choice: let it break us or make us.

One of the reasons I love Batman is that he rises every time he falls. He has made a career out of turning his tragedies into triumphs. He doesn't have any special powers other than his own wits and perseverance, and he is a self made man. He took his tragic experience and used it to shed light in a world where darkness and loss and pain can blindside you. Most of all, he brings hope. He shows us that heroes really do exist. This is evidenced in the young men who saved their girlfriends. This is shown in the actor who portrays Batman onscreen going to visit the surviving victims in the hospital. This is displayed in the outpouring of love and support from around the world for Aurora, Colorado.

I wish it didn't take devastating losses for us to stop and count our blessings, to take stock of our lives, to seize the day. I wish it didn't take people dying for us to truly begin to live. Unfortunately, bad things happen. But good things can be created from the wreckage.

Each of us has it in us to be our own hero. Every one of us has the choice to sit down and live in fear or to stand up and live our lives. We all have the opportunity to spread light and love in this world. All of us owe it to ourselves, and especially to those who are no longer with us, to live each and every day to its fullest.

Like Jessica said, "every second of every day is a gift." Are we going to let it sit, unopened, on a shelf, or are we going to unwrap it and put it to good use?

To pull from several of my favorite phrases and forge one amalgamated saying, this is my advice: Life is a daring adventure, so live it like you're dying, and take a chance; every second is a make it or break it situation, so be here now, and make it count.

We owe it to those taken too soon, to live extra in their honor. So be a hero, be a blessing, be truly alive.

Dear Aspergillosis: Happy 2 Year Anniversary!

Here, I got you this cake I can't eat- that's love.

Dear Aspergillosis,

Happy Anniversary! Yesterday marked two years since I became yours. You'd already conquered my heart by then, after only being in my life for a few months. I've heard it said that sometimes your lifelong relationships are the ones that catch you by surprise, when you least expect it. And surprise me, you did! I never fathomed you, never dreamed you would come in and change my life forever, never knew what life could be like with you at the forefront.

You, with your challenges and stubbornness rivaling my own. You, with your humbling ways and air of mystery. You, with your beauty and grace. I wasn't expecting you.

Has it really only been two years? It feels like a hundred, sometimes! We've been through so much, you and I. I would've written you yesterday, but as you like to do, you had me in bed early, as you had other plans for me. You are always full of surprises!

The person I was before we crossed paths would have hated you. In fact, when I first learned your name, I did. Then you grew on me. I didn't have much choice, actually. You knocked me off my feet.

You aren't easy to live with, Aspergillosis, but you've been worth it.

It has been quite the storm we've weathered, so far, and I want to thank you for the things you have brought to my life. You showed me where there were leaks in my boat and now that I've patched them, nothing life throws my way can sink me. You taught me to surround myself with people who are umbrellas shielding me from the rain, and to avoid people who are buckets looking to dump themselves onto me. You remind me that life is cyclical, and that tides come and go, as do hardships and joys, and to always keep an eye on the horizon because you never know what might sail your way.

You have given me my money's worth of this life. You have expensive taste and sometimes I think you will take me for all I am worth, but then you pay me back in experience and wisdom, in courage and strength, and in love and light. You have made me rich in gratitude, joy, and awe, things money can't buy. When the grass looks greener in other's pastures, you take my straw and spin it into gold. You encourage me to seek out diamonds in the rough and your storms polish my shattered pieces until they shine. You have been worth every penny and the life I now have is priceless.

I love you and the life we have created together. I really don't think I could have done it without you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and you have made me a better a person. Thank you for coming in and changing my life.

Love,
Bren

"I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude." -Benjamin Disraeli

*May 23, 2010 is the day I was diagnosed with Aspergillosis