Pass the bowl of screws, please

For the past two days I've had a metallic taste in my mouth. I even threw out what was probably a perfectly good batch of homemade guacamole because of it.

Normally I wouldn't think much of this but with my health these days, anything slightly abnormal could be indicative of something bad. So, I Googled it. Possible causes: cancer, iron toxicity, mercury poisoning, acute kidney failure, lead poisoning, ruptured ulcers, etc. (Thanks for scaring the crap out of me!) Great.

So I went to the doctor this morning and turns out I'm not dying of cancer, my intestines aren't necrosed, my iron levels are fine, nobody tried to poison me... I just ate too many pine nuts. Seriously?

Next time I won't even bother with the nuts, I'll just eat screws for breakfast.

Apparently if you eat copious amounts of pignolias it causes a metallic aftertaste for a few days to a few weeks. Awesome

I don't even particularly like pine nuts... but I had a bacon craving the other day (This will make sense in a sec, follow closely) and I remembered one time I ate a handful and remarked that they tasted like bacon (my boss agreed with me). I don't even like bacon. But I want meat. Poultry's not doing it for me. I want bloody, greasy, fatty meat! "Honey, I'm from Texas." So I went for the closest thing I could and downed a half dozen handfuls (stop judging me) of pine nuts to stave off the meat craving delirium.

I think I would've rather had mercury poisoning, then I'd have an excuse for being mad as a hatter.

I'm glad I'm not dying, but now I have to find something else to gorge on the next time my inner-Texan starts hollering.