Friday, January 28, 2011


For those who want to know and for those that have asked and received the JA or SA responses...

JA =Jackhole Answer
SA =Succinct Answer
IA =In-depth Answer

Q1: What's with the cane?
JA: What's with your face?
SA: I have a hurt foot.
IA: I have nerve damage in my foot and it helps me walk properly so I don't either: a) limp profusely b) walk on my foot incorrectly (usually on the outside or tiptoe) or c) fall on my face. That sometimes happens anyway...

Q2: Why do you wear a brace?
JA: I stepped on a land mine in Viet-Namn.
SA: I have nerve damage in my foot.
IA: I was in a car wreck 4 years ago and took the impact with my right foot, which traveled up my back, injuring the nerves in my L4, L5, S1 and S2. I've had problems with my back and foot ever since and am prone to hurting them. They've progressively gotten worse and I've known for a while I would probably need surgery, but I didn't have insurance for the past 3.5 years. Then, the Aspergillosis caused an auto-immune response in my body and thus attacked the weak spots, causing weakness and pain in my foot. (The high amounts of glucose and side effects from some of the medications I'm on also contributed) This makes it hard for me to lift and flex my foot and also causes my foot to drop down or curl under. The brace keeps it flat, stabilizes it, and provides a platform under it, so when I lift my leg my foot comes with it, rather than flopping downward.

Q3: So, what's the name of your disease? What is it, exactly?
JA: Aspergillosis. Black mold.
SA: Aspergillosis. It's a black mold that is in my entire body.
IA: Aspergillosis (click the link for the full answer)

Q4: How did you get it?
JA: I won the lottery.
SA: Through a series of unfortunate events jump-started by frostbite.
IA: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

Q5: How rare is it?
JA: One in a trillion.
SA: Very.
IA: There are less than 5,000 known cases in the world.

Q6: What can't you eat?
JA: Everything except watercress and water.
SA: It'd be easier to tell you what I CAN.
IA: Can I eat that?

Q7: When will you be allowed to eat normally, again?
JA: Probably never.
SA: I'm just taking it one day at a time.
IA: There's really no way of knowing, at this point, but I'll hopefully be able to add some foods back in eventually; but I'll likely always have to be conscious of what I'm eating.

Q8: You're probably used to it, by now, right?
JA: Not really.
SA: I'm getting a little better about it.
IA: I'm discovering new things I can eat and new ways of preparing food but I'm still adjusting and sometimes it's really hard.

Q9: Are you contagious?
JA: Yes, stay back.
SA: No.
IA: Not unless you have no immune system and I give you an organ.

Q10: Why can't you eat (insert any forbidden food)?
JA: I'm on a cleanse/Atkins/South Beach diet.
SA: It feeds the mold or makes me sick.
IA: Because it (probably): harbors mold, is high in glucose/sucrose/fructose/ lactose/carbs/stearic acid or is difficult to digest.
Q10b: What do you mean, you don't know? Don't you ask?
JA: I'm not a doctor, I don't know all the specifics.
SA: I just don't eat it if they tell me not to.
IA: It's a lot of information to take in and a lot of it is overwhelming or scary, so I elect not to ask and choose to be on a need to know basis. (I'm starting to ask more questions now, namely because I'm tired of other people being frustrated with me when I don't have answers to offer. You're welcome.)

Feel free to ask any further questions in the comments and I will submit them to the management for answers.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Cookie FAIL

First recipe attempt with new cook book

Oatmeal cookie kitty litter

No Longer Yours

Dear Baskin-Robbins, Coldstone and Dairy Queen,

Your constant attempts to get me back are intrusive and frustrating. I know our relationship was the stuff they write books on; an epic tale they make movies about; and so beautiful it launched thousands of ships... but, it's over now.

It's not that I didn't love you, that I don't still love you, because I do. It's just that towards the end things took a drastic turn for the worse. Our relationship became volatile and unhealthy. It landed me in the hospital, for Pete's sake. I'm sorry, but it's over.

The emails and notes in my mailbox have got to stop. I even switched emails and changed my address without telling you, yet you somehow managed to find me. You're bordering on stalker status now.

It's over. Find somebody else's love handles to admire.

No longer yours,

Monday, January 10, 2011

Pass the bowl of screws, please

For the past two days I've had a metallic taste in my mouth. I even threw out what was probably a perfectly good batch of homemade guacamole because of it.

Normally I wouldn't think much of this but with my health these days, anything slightly abnormal could be indicative of something bad. So, I Googled it. Possible causes: cancer, iron toxicity, mercury poisoning, acute kidney failure, lead poisoning, ruptured ulcers, etc. (Thanks for scaring the crap out of me!) Great.

So I went to the doctor this morning and turns out I'm not dying of cancer, my intestines aren't necrosed, my iron levels are fine, nobody tried to poison me... I just ate too many pine nuts. Seriously?

Next time I won't even bother with the nuts, I'll just eat screws for breakfast.

Apparently if you eat copious amounts of pignolias it causes a metallic aftertaste for a few days to a few weeks. Awesome

I don't even particularly like pine nuts... but I had a bacon craving the other day (This will make sense in a sec, follow closely) and I remembered one time I ate a handful and remarked that they tasted like bacon (my boss agreed with me). I don't even like bacon. But I want meat. Poultry's not doing it for me. I want bloody, greasy, fatty meat! "Honey, I'm from Texas." So I went for the closest thing I could and downed a half dozen handfuls (stop judging me) of pine nuts to stave off the meat craving delirium.

I think I would've rather had mercury poisoning, then I'd have an excuse for being mad as a hatter.

I'm glad I'm not dying, but now I have to find something else to gorge on the next time my inner-Texan starts hollering.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Bren tested, Doctor approved

I avoided Thanksgiving so it didn't seem right to avoid Christmas, as well. I had grand intentions to try to make some sort of pie or holiday cookies, but then I got horribly sick and lost all motivation. Maybe next year...

I did, however get to enjoy some approved snack items like:

Rosemary chicken(lovingly prepared for me by a friend) to compliment the BBQ chicken everyone else was having

and almond cheese & oat crackers to go along with the cheese & cracker tray

and guacamole I made from scratch

One of my resolutions is to create and try more recipes this year. My sister helped get that ball rolling by giving me this for Christmas:

I'm curious WHAT is actually in these deserts, so we shall see. Stay tuned!