Monday, March 28, 2011

I don't want this

"I just want to go kayaking in the Florida Keys, get a black lab, grow tomatoes, have a life. I don't want all this craziness. I don't want this insanity. I'm really sick and tired of it... When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all." -Dry, Augusteen Burroughs

PT kicked my ass today. I was having such a good morning, too. The sun finally came out of hiding and I got to lay in the grass, under a giant redwood, with a baby on my side, gazing at the clouds, listening to birds professing how awesome life is...then, the clouds of reality crashed in and choked the life out of those disillusioned birds.

Apparently the steroids cause muscle weakness? This is a trade for improved nerve function, which will make it easier to build the muscles back up...blah, blah. I stopped listening at that point. I don't need yet another explanation of why this aspect of my life is hard and how it's for the benefit of some other arena. I'm frustrated. And in pain. And turning green.

This isn't my life. I didn't sign up for this. I don't want this.

I want to eat a real pie, backpack through Joshua Tree, swim under a Costa Rican waterfall, sleep under the African stars, ride bikes with the kids, and eat my weight in BBQ.

I'm going to do it, too. Even if it kills me. Dare to tell me I won't, I can't...I'll do it twice, just to show you.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry

Hi. I'm a week into a steroid treatment and I would like you to know that you suck, and your mother sucks, and your neighbor's dog sucks. If you look at me the wrong way, breath on me, or are generally anywhere near me I will go Hulk on you...or, I would like you to know that you are awesome, your children are awesome, and your sister's husband's hairdresser's son is awesome. If you look at me the wrong way, say the wrong thing, or don't attend to my every need I will cry like a heartbroken teenage girl.

My eyes are so dry I'm considering ditching the Visine for Vaseline; my indegestion and heartburn are so intense I've started breathing fire; I've gained ten pounds; my acne eruptions are rivaling Mt. Vesuvius; and I'm told I may grow a beard.

That being said, the goal of this is to counteract the autoimmune response that is exacerbating the nerve damage in my foot; and to repair some of the damage to my bronchials, improving my lung function. I'm willing to grow a beard for that.

The thing that got me really excited was being told that I am "healthy enough" to undergo these injections, as they had not even been an option until now because my body would not have been able to handle it.

All things considered, soul patch or Grizzly Adams?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I lived to see 26!

As a treat to myself for not dying during my 25th year I ate one of these Gluten Free Lemon Dreams Cookie Bites:

No refined sugars, no dairy, no trans fat, no GMOs, no cholesteral, no casein (no clue what that is, but there's a 97% chance I can't have it), no eggs, no wheat, no corn, no soy, no cane or beet products. Basically, no good stuff.

So, what does that leave?! Rice, ginger, cinnamon and lemon...and they weren't half bad tasting, either...AND didn't rocket themselves from any of my orfices! SUCCESS.

Nana's Cookies

*Side note* Looked up Casein: Who would've thought, but I'm not allowed to eat it that!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Enslaved by ensalada

I eat a lot of salad these days. That's an understatement. Have you ever eaten salad without dressing? Right, why would any mentally intact person choose to eat rabbit food without some sort of buffer. Enter me: I have no choice. Ugh.

So I've had to come up with some alternatives...

Quinoa with black beans, chives and corn atop chopped cabbage soaked in sea-salt water.

Shelled pumpkin seeds, soaked with rosemary and sprinkled with sea-salt on cabbage drizzled in olive oil and lime juice.

Assorted greens with avocado, pear and slivered almonds.

"Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” -Edward de Bono

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Shameless Plug

This is my cousin-in-law Ryan Farr:

He owns 4505 Meats:

I can't eat anything they sell, but YOU can! He's at The Ferry Building Thursdays 10am-2pm and Saturdays 8am-2pm, or you can order online here.

He made me some really good chicken and veggies at his house, which I took a picture of and then accidentally deleted (of course).