Lucky 13

I just noticed that this blog has been read 13,013 times. Thirteen is my lucky number, but more than that I am lucky, honored, and thankful that people have allowed me to share my life and my experience with them that many times. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me! I think 2013 is going to be incredible.

Earlier in the week, I promised that I would share some really great news in 2013, and being a fan of Soap Operas and "Cliffhanger Fridays," I'm going to tease and say that the news made my immediate family ugly cry. Tune in Monday to find out why!

One Small Year, A Trillion Large Thanks

A year ago I went skiing for the first time...and it nearly killed me.

It's been a hell of a year and I couldn't have done it without the love and support of those around me.

Thank you to everyone who helped me survive this year.

Thank you for your calls, texts, emails, postcards and comments.

Thank you for driving me around town, for coming with me to appointments, for sitting with me in the ER when I was coughing up blood, and for bringing me food when I couldn't get out of bed.

Thank you for donating items to my garage sale and for helping me run it.

Thank you for holding my hand when I was scared or so I wouldn't fall, and thank you for helping me get up and down stairs.

Thank you for walking slowly so I could keep up and laughing with me when I fell flat on my face.

Thank you for encouraging me and supporting me when I was losing hope.

Thank you for buying me groceries, for making diet-friendly meals at gatherings, and for eating at diet-friendly restaurants.

Thank you for slipping me cash, writing me checks, and loaning me money.

Thank you for helping me move out of my old place and thank you for helping me move into the new place.

Thank you for buying my old bed and thank you for giving me my new one.

Thank you for letting me stay on your couches and air mattresses, and in your guestrooms and beds.

Thank you for admiring my scraper cane and pirate brace, for asking what was wrong when I looked like shit, and for telling me I looked good when I started feeling better.

Thank you for laying in bed watching movies with me, and for reading me bedtime stories.

Thank you for providing me with puzzles, books, and movies to occupy my time.

Thank you for offering job and housing leads, and for suggesting recipes and food I should try.

Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

Thank you for making me laugh and for holding me when I cried.

Thank you for being the best medicine.

Thank you, thank you, thank you times a trillion!



"One small year
It's been an eternity
It's taken all of me to get here..."
-Shawn Colvin

How am I?

People ask, but I'm sure they don't really want to know.
They're just being polite and I put on a damn good show.

"Pretty good."
"I'm fine."
"Doing better."
Lies...

To put it simply: I have black mold (the deadly kind) growing inside my body. It's in my blood and thus everywhere. I'm starting to think there's more of It, now, than what's left of me. It causes my brain to swell causing blurred vision, headaches and fatigue. It causes my heart and kidneys to work extra hard and inefficiently resulting in toxins building up in my blood so I have to have my blood filtered often. It lowers my immune system making it difficult for my body to fight illness and leads to chronic respiratory, ear, vaginal yeast and skin infections. It causes my joints, bones and muscles to be stiff and achy which makes sitting, standing, lying down, walking, running and basically just being alive painful. It causes mucus and fungus to build up in my lungs making my breaths shallow and arduous. It makes my skin sensitive to touch, irritation, sun, wind, cold, heat and prone to bruising. Showers are difficult because if the water is too cold my muscles throb and my bones scream, but if it's too hot my skin prickles and peels. It's causing my acne to flair up. It's causing my hair to thin and fall out in handfuls. I have constant diarrhea and I throw up frequently (most often at about 2am). I have to take high doses of anti-fungals that leave me exhausted, disoriented and crazy. I'm basically living on raw vegetables, medications, vitamins and filtered water. I'm anemic. I have nosebleeds and rectal bleeding. I'm always starving and I've lost 25lbs, yet I'm flabby because I'm losing muscle tone. I'm tired all the time but I have difficulty sleeping or staying asleep. I'm constantly cold, yet sweaty. I get tired very easily and winded after walking short distances. I'm dead broke, having to work less hours than I'd like and had to accept a handout from my parents(an extremely difficult and humiliating thing for me). I cry at the drop of a hat and the hat drops often. I'm either short fused or too sick and tired to care about things that should bother me. I'm sick as hell, but I'll be fine.

Actually, I feel more alive than I ever have in my life.

"Thanks for asking."