What a wild ride

My gosh, so much has happened this year! It's a good thing I'm able to power walk (and working on running) so that I can keep up with myself! My Mama says that if it weren't for my Facebook check-ins she would never know where I am. Half the time I don't even know!

On Wednesday  she gets to come along with me on my latest adventure. Back in November, my Dad and I drove from California to Texas so I could take a breather for a few months. Now, I'm refreshed and recharged and ready to roll, so I'm headed back to California. After living in San Francisco for five years, this time I'm setting my sights on Los Angeles.

I never in a million years thought I would live in LA, but "never say never!"

I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has helped me the last six months to get my health and finances in check. Through donations I was able to pay off my medical bills that were keeping me from leaving San Francisco. With the help of parents and friends, I was able to lay low for a few months and get some much needed rest. Then some opportunities came up, many from left field, and I am ready to get back in the game!

I am healthier and happier than I have been in a very long time. The past three years have been a challenge and a blessing. I can't say enough how much it means to me that I have been surrounded by an amazing support system and I know that I could not have done it without the amazing people who bless me with their presence in my life.

Now that I'm back on my feet I only hope that I can repay each of you for what you have given me. If any of you need anything, please ask and I will do everything I can to show you the kindness you have shown me. And I have a stack of postcards to send Y'all, just as soon as I slow down enough to write on them!

Los Angeles, get ready!


“Welcome, O life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race.” - James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

I won the lottery!

*HUGE news in this blog!*


I started my New Year off right. Sipping apple juice in my pj's in front of a fire and watching a Portlandia marathon with my parents. We think we fancy, huh?

Ma wanted to make me "champagne" but what we thought was sparkling water turned out to be just spring water, so I enjoyed my watered down apple juice and reminisced over Baptist Sunday School snacks from childhood...

I was fighting a winter cold (which felt like swallowing golf balls), but actually, it was one of the best starts to a new year I've ever had. I was cozy and relaxed while surrounded by laughter and love. Then there's the added bonus of no crowds, or parking, or freezing weather, or traffic, or doing my hair. Winning.

Cutting to the chase, I mentioned in my last two blogs that I had really great news to share. So here we go...

My Candida is normal, my intestinal flora is rebuilding, and most importantly, my Aspergillus is dying or dead, with no new growth for the past six months. This is HUGE news. I'm getting better! My health is the best it's been over the course of this entire journey that started back in February 2010.

I knew this news back in October/November, but I didn't say anything to anyone. It just seemed to be way too good to be true and I didn't want to jinx it until I was sure that it would stick. There have been so many false starts and setbacks in my recovery that I couldn't bear to get my hopes up just to endure another letdown.

I was also very run down and exhausted during that time and I had just lost the two people who would have been my very first calls with the good news. I escaped from reality, sowed some wild oats for a few weeks, then hibernated for a few more. In hindsight, I think I was in shock.

I fought so hard for this, for three long years, and there were times I never thought this day would come. When it finally did come, I didn't know what to do with it, so I did nothing.

Then I used it as the best Christmas surprise EVER. Forget wedding proposals and pregnancy announcements, people do those all the time. Amateurs. I have them all beat! I kept this news from my family for two months and then sprang it on them Christmas afternoon (because we took FOR.EVER. to get to my sis's house to open presents). And they all cried. I win!

All joking aside, I did win. I hit the jackpot. The paperwork in my chart now reads "Our findings indicate that the condition of Aspergillosis is responding well to current treatments and does not currently pose a life-threatening risk to this patient." And that is worth all the money in the world.

I think 2013 is going to be my best year, yet! Cheers to whatever it has in store for me!

"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked into my best thoughts." -Soren Kierkgaard

*Disclaimer* This does NOT mean that I am healed. It does NOT mean that I can eat whatever I want.  It DOES mean that I am not actively dying. Please field your responses and questions according to this, it will save us both some grief. Thank you!

Lucky 13

I just noticed that this blog has been read 13,013 times. Thirteen is my lucky number, but more than that I am lucky, honored, and thankful that people have allowed me to share my life and my experience with them that many times. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me! I think 2013 is going to be incredible.

Earlier in the week, I promised that I would share some really great news in 2013, and being a fan of Soap Operas and "Cliffhanger Fridays," I'm going to tease and say that the news made my immediate family ugly cry. Tune in Monday to find out why!

Wheel in, Walk Out. So long, 2012!

 *this is like one of those "look back at the year" montages, click the links for glimpses back at posts from this year.

This was an eventful year and I definitely got my money's worth out of it. After 2011, I didn't think it was possible to cram so much living into another year, but then I went and proved myself wrong.

I started this year in a wheelchair, and I wheeled and crutched and caned my way through, one step and one day at a time. There were road blocks along the way, but there were also some bridges and some really great scenery. I am thankful that I am walking out of 2012 better off than when I wheeled into it.

There were triumphs, whether they were small ones like being able to wear two shoes, or huge ones like learning to ride a bike or finally being able to walk unassisted after two long years of pain and tears and hard work. There were frustrations like filling prescriptions and there was anger, like when I found out a clinical trial damaged my kidneys. There were loved ones who died or walked out of my life and there were new babies and new endings. With every goodbye came a new hello, and I grew and learned from each one.

There was a whole lot of cooking, some of it good, some of it bad, and some of it that I can't eat. There were changes and silver linings, there was hope. There were milestones and adventures, infections and accomplishments, there were life lessons.

Some days I soared and others I needed to bust a bunch of eggs on a pier in the middle of the night. I raised money to benefit lung cancer research by learning yoga and I asked for help when I needed it. There was joy and sorrow and laughter and tears. There was life and love and loss joined with renewal,  risks, and gains.

Through it all, I was surrounded by people who cheered me on, picked me up, and lent me their light when mine went dim. I have been blessed in my life, but never as much as I have been by the people in it. If you are reading this, I am thankful for you. My loved ones are my greatest gift.

These are my highlights from the year. (click to enlarge)

2012, you were difficult and wonderful and enlightening and exhausting. Do me a favor, will ya? Tell 2013 to be gentle, please.

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." - Benjamin Franklin

Oh and also, I have some really great news, but I'm not going to share it until next year...

Sunday Shenangigans

Riding!

Cafe Gratitude!

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday!

Birthday Eve: Eats and Defeats

Bren-friendly birthday eats: smoothie, soup, and salad!



Bren-challenge attempted:

It didn't work out so well...Crash, burn, fail

This will be my next activity to work on after the Yogathon!

I did it

I DID 13 FULL SUN SALUTATIONS TODAY! (Modified for my abilities a bit)

Friday I managed my first one and have been adding more ever since.

Congratulations are appreciated, but money says it so much better! ;p If you want to throw any at my fundraiser for lung cancer, in celebration, you may do so here. (Lung cancer kills more people than the breast, prostate, kidney, colon, liver, and melanoma COMBINED & your donations are tax deductible)

The event is on the 25th and I am trying to raise the last $400 of my final goal of $2,108 by the 22nd.

I'm elated by my progress and floored by the support I've received from everyone. THANK YOU to those who have donated. This experience has been a challenge and a blessing. I'm grateful for the opportunity to help others while also helping myself.

Dear 2011

*Click the links throughout for relevant past posts*

Dear 2011,

Wow, you're gone. You're really, actually gone. And I'm still here! Phew.

2011, we had quite the battle of wills, this year, you and I. There were knock out, throw down brawls, when I wasn't sure who was going to come out on top. You kicked me in the teeth, literally! And when that wasn't enough, you went for the money shot: a scissor kick to the kidneys. But, that's okay, because bed rest led me to a discovery that helped me through the pain.

After two surgeries, more money than I care to name, a total of more than 5 months time spent in bed, I'm still here, kicking it. Yes, my foot actually works now, so I can literally kick, now.

There was also the robbery, which took with it all the video footage from my childhood and all my pictures from the last 5 years, in addition to the novel I was writing and numerous other works. But, it also brought a new camera, which led to my pictures being published in a magazine. That was an unexpected diamond in the rough.

While I was down, you showed me who my real friends were and brought me new ones. You showed me who I couldn't count on, and more importantly, who I could. You forced me to ask for help and accept it. You made me grow.

You took several beloved people from us, most much too soon. Because of these losses, I allowed myself to grieve in a healthy way, for probably the first time in my life. I wish I hadn't had to do it as many times as you made me, 2011, but I now know how to live through it. My health, and seeing others slip away has made me appreciate and celebrate life, and also to accept and forgive death.

There was the period of steroid-induced-Hulk behavior, where I hated you and then praised you, followed subsequently, by the steroid-withdraw-thirteen-year-old-heartbroken-girl emotional period when I felt let down by you. Both difficult, very different, but equally eye-opening and enlightening experiences, that I started off resenting you for, and now thank you for.

You saw me through moments of feeling sorry for myself and moments of gratitude, only laughing at me minimally for both.

You brought me an abundance of salads and vegetables, and trying duck and buffalo for the first time. You forced me to step out of my comfort zone and try new foods and recipes, many of which, to my surprise, I actually don't hate.

You allowed me trips to Washington DC, where I couldn't eat anything; to Virginia, where my friend showed me a new recipe; to Vegas, where I ate a lot of almonds; to Chicago, where I didn't eat pizza; to NYC, where I also didn't eat pizza; to Philly, where I was robbed of cheese steaks; to LA, where I ate like a king; and to Texas, where I currently am, and about which I will be reporting on soon.

Despite your attempts to thwart me with cancelled flights and hotels, delays, frozen bank accounts, and broken down or wrecked cars, I enjoyed myself. You truly kept me on my toes and challenged my ingenuity more than any other year has, but I can now say I'm continentally street savvy.

You even allowed me to spend an enormous amount of time, every couple of months, with my family. That was a huge blessing to me, so thank you for that gift.

You slipped in Artichoke Fest and Pride to make up for missing The Texas and California State Fairs (they were too much to bear attempting, anyway) and didn't throw too much salt in the wound.

You gave me cause to open up and share my secrets and answer questions, opening up dialogues that wouldn't have otherwise happened.

Even though you forced me to undergo tests, and more tests, and even more tests, and handed me big decisions to make, you gave me hope via new research and promising results. This led to a new treatment option being started, which (*knock on wood*) seems to be working.

You made sure my days were full of foot braces, crutches, canes, scooters, and wheelchairs, too. I guess you thought that could stop me, or at best, slow me down. You thought wrong. You can have your wrench back, now, because as many times as you throw it at me, it won't kink my plans. In fact, I'm doing better than they thought I would, and I don't intend to stop.

2011, I'm thankful for the hardships you've put in my path, dropped on my head, and snuck in my pockets, because they have made me stronger, smarter and softer. I am thankful for the blessings you've laid at my feet, placed in my lap, and whispered in my ear, because they have made me thankful, hopeful, and more giving.

Thank you for being both a challenge and miracle. Thank you for showing me the silver lining in every storm cloud. Thank you for driving home for me that I must always count my blessings and not my burdens.

Oh, and one last thing, tell 2012 I've got my game face on and I'm out for blood.

Lovingly,
Bren


This year, I resolve to:
- Continue living like I'm dying
- Be better about updating about my health (I sure hear about it, when I don't!)
- Post more recipes. For serious. (I know I said so last year and only did a handful)

Blessed

Last year, for Thanksgiving, I was hitching through Montana during a blizzard and soaking in hot springs. I had hoped to take another road trip somewhere, this year, but obviously my health didn't allow.

So this year, I did this:


I was flanked by dogs and a few close friends who made me Bren-friendly food.


(Top left: Bren-friendly dinner; top right: apple pie and pumpkin mousse I watched my friends enjoy; extraneous untensils; I can't eat that)

Good food, good company, good God I'm blessed!


"When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." - Willie Nelson