Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Late Night Ramblings

I was pretty bummed when I woke up Thursday July 19th. I had planned to leave on an epic road trip that night that was going to take me through 27 states in 27 days. If anyone had any doubts that I'm completely insane, this should do it... I originally started planning the trip in 2009 and planned to take it that summer, then I got so sick that traveling to the bathroom was about all I could manage.

Fast forward to this spring, when I thought I was finally well enough to take the trip and started making plans for this summer. Unfortunately, due to some recent blips in my health, and the money I've poured into taking care of those incidents, I'm just not feeling physically or financially stable enough to embark on such a big trip right now. Suck City!

Then I also had a summit meeting with my orthopedist, neurologist, and physical torturist that morning, which always has me in a great mood, beforehand. And by great mood, I mean moody in great quantities. I'm usually nervous, and battling between being hopeful and not getting my hopes up, before these appointments. Those emotions usually display themselves in my being extremely quiet and avoiding all eye contact. (Side note: If you encounter someone, try to talk to them, and they do not turn toward you, do not make eye contact, and give you short answers, STOP talking to them. These are social cues that they don't want to talk; observe them!) On these kind of days, I'm not trying to be rude, and it has nothing to do with you, but I'm a wreck inside, and have a lot on my mind, so I cope by going in my turtle shell. This works for me and it gets me through. Please, don't try to coax me to stick my head out, I may bite your finger.

Those are the days that I really love social media. I can simply write a few sentences about what my morning entails, push a button, and everyone I know can immediately see what's up. Then, they can respond without me having to actually explain or talk to anyone. My family also sends me cute pictures of my niece, which is a blessing beyond measure! I can reach out and make contact, while still staying in my shell. It's genius, really.

Don't get me wrong, I like talking to people, more so at this stage in my life than I ever have before, but I'm also an introvert, so interacting with people is draining for me. When I'm already physically and emotionally drained, regardless of their intentions, most of the time, I just can't handle talking to people. Seeing the comments, and tweets, and texts really helps me and I'm so grateful for the outpouring of support I receive. I am very blessed. As long as you don't try to talk to me.

One of the things decided at that summit meeting with my doctors was that I could FINALLY ditch my cane! As exciting as it sounds, it's really been anticlimactic. After eight months of using mobility devices, I was just so over it, that I didn't make that much of a fuss about it. I'm still using a brace some of the time, and working really hard to rebuild my strength, while not wearing myself out, so even though I'm caneless, I still don't feel that I'm at the pinnacle just yet. (Take note that I do plan to have some sort of ceremonious laying to rest of my collection of braces and canes, at some point! Possibly involving explosives of some kind...)

Speaking of road trips and being social, I ended up going down to LA for ten days to hang out. I did a lot of napping; spent time by the pool, at the beach, and in gardens; snuggled with cats, dogs, and babies; and lounged with friends. The most exciting things I did on the weekend were play Scrabble and watch The Biggest Loser. I practically never actually rest on my vacations so this was a nice change of pace for me. I think the R&R, sun, and good people did wonders for me. (I also spent a night at the circus with my friend who is a clown and slept on the circus train. I'm going again tomorrow with my BFF and will write more on it later!) I'm less bummed about postponing my epic road trip now. At least now I have more time to plan it.

This post is all over the place and I don't know what to title it. Meh, I'm going to bed now...

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