When life gives you lemons, make scraper canes!

My foot is getting worse.


So now I have to wear a foot brace and walk with a cane...and you'd better believe theys gotta be pimp!









Inspired by:

I ain't missing you at all

PIE.



I. Miss. PIE.

And BBQ. I'd stalk & butcher a cow tomorrow, single handedly, if my doctor told me I could.



And donuts. 3 dozen. That's how many I'd sit down and eat. I doubt I'd come up for air, even. With sprinkles. So. Many. Sprinkles.



I also really miss Smirnoff Ice, particularly the Mandarin Orange and Green Apple varieties. (I recently got wind there is now a pineapple flavor! FML)

I miss being able to drive through any place I wanted, order whatever hit my fancy and spend less than 5 bucks.

And pre-packaged foods and microwave dinners. Oh to be able to shop once a month and be able to prepare a meal in 3-5 minutes with nothing to clean afterwards. Those were the days!

And ice cream. I would KILL for an Its-It. No seriously, I've yet to see someone eating one, but when that day comes, my cane WILL be re-purposed to bludgeon.



But none of that comes as a surprise. From the start I knew it would be tragic letting those things go. What I was not prepared for, however, were the things I thought I'd miss, and don't.

Got milk? Well I don't and I'm surprised by my utter lack of heart-pangs for my loss. I was a gallon to 2 gallon a week-er and yet, rice milk is doing me just fine. Sure, throwing back a box of rice isn't the same as chugging from the gallon, but other than that, I've made a painless transition and never looked back.

Cheese. Aside from ketchup and bbq sauce, I once covered everything in cheese. I don't really like many spices, can't stand salt and pepper, and don't trust any white sauces(alfredo, white gravy, horseradish, tarter, mayonnaise, hollandaise, sour cream etc.), so cheese was always my go-to. But, I guess when you aren't eating burgers, pizza, noodles or bread, what's the point anyway?

Bread. Really carbs in general. Meh. I have some oats here and there and some rice crackers or millet and it's all good. (Hmm, it just occurred to me that I may retract this on Thanksgiving when I'm missing stuffing, but aside from that...)

Speaking of Thanksgiving, this year I'm going to have to come up with some worthy alternatives so I don't go crazy watching everyone eat and then murder them while they're enjoying their Tryptophan-induced fat-puppy comas.

I ain't missing you at all since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you, no matter what my friends say



*Also, I baked my first butternut squash this evening. I took pictures of it and promptly hid my camera from myself unwittingly. I swear, sometimes I believe all the weight I'm losing is coming from my brain...cuz it's sure not coming from my rear-quarters.

Hey baby, I like your swagger

The only thing that sucks more than walking with a limp is walking with a cane AND a limp...

Hi, I have a pimp cane now and I've been rocking it for almost two weeks.

Why you ask? Because I'm a trend-setting futurist, duh. You know we'll all eventually be using them, anyway, I'm just ahead of the curve...it also may have something to do with the fact that I'm falling apart.

In Feb 07 I was in a head-on car wreck and took the full impact of the crash with my right foot/leg and back, resulting in nerve damage that has lingered ever since.

The pain had been pretty manageable with alcohol, physical therapy and Advil on my side, but lately the game has changed. Obviously, I can no longer drink away the pain; most low-dose medications have alcohol or sugar in them, which I can't have, or the dose is too low to affect the pain; and I'm highly reluctant to take any high-dose pain meds because of my history of addiction. So I've been going to physical therapy, doing yoga(I'm such a Californian now, how did that happen?!) and getting massages as often as I can afford. It helps some, but not entirely.

To further complicate things(because nothing's ever simple or easy with me, as I'm sure you've noticed) nerve damage is exacerbated by a slew of other factors.

From that list, the following relate to me:
-Anemia: Oh Texas, I miss your meat!
-Autoimmune reaction: that's when your body attacks itself, which mine is doing since there is a foreign body raging in every cell of my body and my body wants to kill that foreign entity, thus attacking itself.
-Kidney failure: I'm not in full-blown failure, but they're working REALLY hard
-Infections: Check!
-Anti-viral/bacterial/fungal medications: Man, I hate the meds!
-Repeated compression/stress: It's kind of hard NOT to do that to your feet (rock climbing, walking, etc.)
-Systemic diseases: Check!
-Blood diseases: Check!

Also, apparently I've been walking incorrectly, in attempts to overcompensate, and ended up doing a lot more damage than I realized.

These are my feets. If you look at the left one you can see that my toes and joints are all straight and point forward and the joint on the side is rounded. Then, notice how on the right, my big and second toes curve inward and to the right and the joint juts out sharply.

It may not look like much but it's doing a whole lot of damage to my ankle, knee, hip and spine and eventually my toes will curl inward on themselves. (*Google "Hammertoe" images and you'll see what I'm talking about!)


I knew I would eventually probably have to have surgery on my foot, I just didn't anticipate needing it so soon. Furthermore, I'm not healthy enough right now to undergo the needed surgery, nor do I have the insurance or means to pay for it.

So until then, I get to wear these lovely contraptions.









And walk around with one shoe looking like it just escaped from the circus or a Caricature.



And rock a cane (which I need to take a pic of) to preserve my right leg from any more damage.

I'm sure the cane won't be so bad once I get the hang of it. I'm just not used to having to walk SO SLOWLY and if I try to pick up the pace I just end up tripping on the damn thing.

It's good thing I've basically no pride left, because falling face first on a crosswalk and having an elderly lady help you might be damaging to some people's self esteem. Not this kid, I just laughed my ass off at the ironic absurdity that continues to be my life.