How to score a date when you have a chronic illness:
Tell potential suitor that you...
A) ...have a potentially fatal disease.
B) ...cannot eat ANYTHING, or drink alcohol or coffee; and that you hate tea.
C) ...walk with a crutch, so long strolls on the beach are out of the question.
D) ...cannot have sex with them because their yeast could kill you.
E) ...would love to do something with them that does not involve eating, drinking, standing, or walking.
Then just sit back and be pursued by a few girls that will make out with you in your car and then bail, or will take you out for Vegan once and never call again; and by absolutely nobody else.
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